I have been reading a book called 'For What It's Worth-the Ministry of a Woman' by Margaret Hicks. It's a very short book, only 80 pages, but it has a wealth of knowledge.
In my first marriage, I had a husband who was abusive, cheated, and asked me to have an abortion with our second child, because it did not look good for a cheating husband to have a pregnant wife at home. I was married to an unbeliever. I tried to hold the marriage together, but after 8 years, I could not go on any further, and the Lord released me from that relationship.
There were people in my family-very religious people-that told me I was wrong for divorcing him, and even my father told me the only way I could live a Christian life was to remarry him. I knew God was not requiring me to live with an angry, abusive, cheating, unsaved husband. And, even though I had read certain scriptures in the New Testament, I never fully understood the 'biblical' definition of what I had done. The only thing that I knew was that it was the right thing to do, and God had given me peace with it.
In her book, Margaret Hicks says, "When a Christian wife is married to an unbeliever, God's word does not give her the liberty of leaving him if he 'is pleased to dwell with her.' (1 Cor. 7:13) This means he does not object to her going to church and serving the Lord..."
On the other hand, what does a woman do if she is married to a man who is not a believer, who 'is cruel, impatient, and ridicules her faith'? What if he 'demands things of her that are offensive to her as a Christian'? (This is exactly where I was in my marriage.) "It is not too often that a woman is strong, patient, and spiritually resolute enough to stay married to that man." (1 Cor. 7:15)
Mrs. Hicks cites Abigail as an example to go by in this matter. It is apparent in the story in 1 Samuel 25, that she is a honorable wife, and that he is the fool that his name means. When he turns away God's anointed, she takes actions contrary to her husband. Is it not better to be obedient to God than to carry out socially accepted rules that cause a person to against God?
"There are times," says Mrs. Hicks, "....when a Christian woman who is living with an unsaved mate is asked (or ordered) to do something contrary to her Christian faith. If that husband, though unsaved, is a reasonable man, she can reason with him and decline his request. However, if a woman is married to an angry man who is subject to irrational demands, or to one who is addicted to alcohol or drugs, and he requires things of her that are in direct contradiction to the Bible, she could, with a right spirit and wisdom, look for an alternative to his demand."
A woman who is in a relationship like this must have a very real, enduring relationship with the Lord in order to survive. It takes an extreme amount of faith and courage to see things through to a final conclusion. Looking back over the years to my first marriage (in 1986), then at my life as a single mother in the throes of another abusive relationship, I have wondered how I ever made it through. It was only through and by Him that I withstood the attacks, both the physical and spiritual.
I pray that all women who read this, that are living in abusive conditions, and are staying because a religious person, or a doctrine within a denomination, says you have to but you want to leave, please seek freedom in Christ, and He will lead you in what you have to do. Jesus came to redeem us from the curse, and to be truly free in Him means to not be condemned and cast down in this world.
