Message to Christian Women Suffering Abuse

I have been reading a book called 'For What It's Worth-the Ministry of a Woman' by Margaret Hicks. It's a very short book, only 80 pages, but it has a wealth of knowledge.

In my first marriage, I had a husband who was abusive, cheated, and asked me to have an abortion with our second child, because it did not look good for a cheating husband to have a pregnant wife at home. I was married to an unbeliever. I tried to hold the marriage together, but after 8 years, I could not go on any further, and the Lord released me from that relationship.

There were people in my family-very religious people-that told me I was wrong for divorcing him, and even my father told me the only way I could live a Christian life was to remarry him. I knew God was not requiring me to live with an angry, abusive, cheating, unsaved husband. And, even though I had read certain scriptures in the New Testament, I never fully understood the 'biblical' definition of what I had done. The only thing that I knew was that it was the right thing to do, and God had given me peace with it.

In her book, Margaret Hicks says, "When a Christian wife is married to an unbeliever, God's word does not give her the liberty of leaving him if he 'is pleased to dwell with her.' (1 Cor. 7:13) This means he does not object to her going to church and serving the Lord..."

On the other hand, what does a woman do if she is married to a man who is not a believer, who 'is cruel, impatient, and ridicules her faith'? What if he 'demands things of her that are offensive to her as a Christian'? (This is exactly where I was in my marriage.) "It is not too often that a woman is strong, patient, and spiritually resolute enough to stay married to that man." (1 Cor. 7:15)

Mrs. Hicks cites Abigail as an example to go by in this matter. It is apparent in the story in 1 Samuel 25, that she is a honorable wife, and that he is the fool that his name means. When he turns away God's anointed, she takes actions contrary to her husband. Is it not better to be obedient to God than to carry out socially accepted rules that cause a person to against God?

"There are times," says Mrs. Hicks, "....when a Christian woman who is living with an unsaved mate is asked (or ordered) to do something contrary to her Christian faith. If that husband, though unsaved, is a reasonable man, she can reason with him and decline his request. However, if a woman is married to an angry man who is subject to irrational demands, or to one who is addicted to alcohol or drugs, and he requires things of her that are in direct contradiction to the Bible, she could, with a right spirit and wisdom, look for an alternative to his demand."

A woman who is in a relationship like this must have a very real, enduring relationship with the Lord in order to survive. It takes an extreme amount of faith and courage to see things through to a final conclusion. Looking back over the years to my first marriage (in 1986), then at my life as a single mother in the throes of another abusive relationship, I have wondered how I ever made it through. It was only through and by Him that I withstood the attacks, both the physical and spiritual.

I pray that all women who read this, that are living in abusive conditions, and are staying because a religious person, or a doctrine within a denomination, says you have to but you want to leave, please seek freedom in Christ, and He will lead you in what you have to do. Jesus came to redeem us from the curse, and to be truly free in Him means to not be condemned and cast down in this world.

Two Halves Make a Whole

The wisdom of my grandmother has triumphed again. She said to me, in a conversation about husband/wife relationships, that a man that loved his mother loved the Lord. At the time, it had no real impact on me but now, some 16+ years later, it is clearer than ever before.

In 2010, when my husband, James, and I were in Mississippi, we met a lovely woman whose soul I instantly knitted with. (It was a Jonathan and David moment.) She was the wife of the pastor at the church we were visiting. And, she was being abused. I immediately recognised the signs~watching his every move, not giving eye contact to others, watching her language around him, making sure nothing was done or said that he could use against her later.

Upon introduction, I told her that I knew that there was abuse in her life. When she asked me how I knew, I told her that I recognised myself in her~that two years prior, before I met my current husband, I had been just like her. She started to cry. I continued to tell her that God did not create her to live in fear, and by the time we left four days later, she was looking people in the eye instead of keeping her head down. I am thankful that God gave me the words from my own experience to give her the courage to take the step to be freed from the 'infirmity' that bound her. 

There is an account in Luke (13:10-17) where Jesus heals a woman on the Sabbath. The woman's illness is described as 'a spirit of infirmity, was bowed together' and could not lift herself  up. She had been in that condition for eighteen years. This was a woman who did not seek Jesus out~He called her to Him. He released her from the physical bonds laid on her by Satan, because she was a 'daughter of Abraham.'

Her ailment was physical, but how many women have been under other types of male-dominated bondage? Take my friend in Mississippi. She was in bondage to her pastor-husband for more than eighteen years. And, just like the religious leaders in Jesus' time, he thought he had the right to treat her however he wanted because he was her husband. The ruler of the synagogue was indignant with Jesus for healing on the Sabbath, saying that if the woman wanted to be healed, she should come on a 'workday.'(v.14) For the religious leaders in the Luke account, and the pastor-husband of my friend, it was about 'rule and authority.' They wanted someone weaker so they could 'lord' over them. But, a woman lifted up in Jesus, and by Jesus, is a daughter of Abraham~free of man's bondage. The hypocrites, as Jesus called them, have no submission in themselves toward God. If they had, they would know that Jesus is the authority under which we ALL submit.

The analogy of family and church is described in Ephesians 5 and 6. Wives, in 5:22, are told to submit 'unto their own husbands, as unto the Lord.' Does that mean women should think of their husbands as 'God'? Absolutely not! It means that if they have  Godly husbands~ones who have an humble, obedient relationship with the Lord~they should trust the leadership in their marital relationship. In v.25, husbands are told to 'love your wives, even as Christ loved the church (His bride) and gave His life for it.' A Godly man would not hurt himself (v.28) and therefore, would not hurt his wife. If a man harms his wife, he is harming himself. (v.29)

But what if the woman's husband is not in submission to God, and tries to lead his wife astray. Is she supposed to to follow him just because he is her husband? No! 1 Corinthians 11:3 spells it out plainly: the head of the man is Christ, the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God. If the men in leadership are not following Christ, then the women are not obligated to follow. Each individual Christian woman is married to Christ first and foremost. That is a relationship that must remain intact, for each of us are responsible for our own salvation and our Christian walk.

There was a time when Sarah told Abraham to 'cast out the bondwoman.' (Gen. 21:8-12) but he was reluctant because it meant casting away his son. But, God told him to 'hearken to her voice, for in Isaac shall your seed be called.' Sarah was all about promoting the kingdom of God, but if it had been left up to Abraham~the husband~it would not have happened. So, it's the obedience to God that counts, not the gender through which the obedience comes.

So God created man in His own image...male and female created He them. (Gen. 1:27) Both in Genesis (2:24) and in Ephesians (5:31) it is written that the 'two shall become one.' In order for this to be mathematically correct~for 2 to become 1~ then each half has to be equal to one another. It does not work any other way. The men that want to show off their power and authority over women would have the equation read something like 7/8, for the men, and 1/8, for the women. But, in order for 1 to be divided by 2, the answer can only be 1/2. This is a basic mathematical statement that is not only true in the physical world, but also in the spiritual world.

Two halves make a whole.

(1/2 +1/2=1)